2. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
Trees don't answer stupid questions.
Shoe tree.

3. Do you think circus clowns are funny?
I'm not sure, but the Jack in the Box clown has a slight lisp.
It's not a lisp, it's a speech impediment.

4. Can you read?
Yes, with some difficulty.
No, I checked this square on a guess.

5. Do people mention your name and the term "bad seed" in the same sentence?
Yes, often.
Yes, all the time.

6. How would you remove chewing gum from shag carpeting?
Wrap an ice cube in a clean cloth or paper towel and hold it on until the gum is frozen hard and can be lifted off.
I don't know.

7. Do you waste a lot of time taking personality tests?
Yes.
Yes.

8. Have you ever been brainwashed?
Yes.
Yes.

9. Do you prefer stuffing or potatoes?
Potatoes.
Potatoes.

10. Do you read THE BAbbLER's Bordom?
Yes, as if my life depended on it.
Yes - in fact, I've got several copies shoved down my pants right now.

11. How many friends do you shame for not reading THE BAbbLER's Bordom?
More than 10.
More than ten.

12. Do you believe there is a secret organization called The OCCULT that is making your life hell on earth?
Yes.
Shut up! They may be watching us!

13. How long have you been planning to assissinate Bob Saget?
Ever since Full House.
Ever since America's Funniest Home Videos.

14. If someone told you to stop reading THE BAbbLER's Bordom, what would you do?
Hurt them.
Move to a new town.

15. How would you remove a urine stain from shag carpeting?
Blot up as much of the liquid as possible. With a sponge, apply a mixture of 1 tablespoon mild detergent and 1 tablespoon vinegar on a quart of water. Brush pile when dry.
I don't know.

16. Do you ever experience deja vu?
Never.
Never.

17. Do you read THE BAbbLER's Bordom?
Yes, as if my life depended on it.
Yes - in fact, I've got several copies shoved down my pants right now.

18. How many friends do you shame for not reading THE BAbbLER's Bordom?
More than 10.
More than ten.

19. Do you believe there is a secret organization called The OCCULT that is making your life hell on earth?
Yes.
Shut up! They may be watching us!

20. If someone told you to stop reading THE BAbbLER's Bordom, what would you do?
Hurt them.
Move to a new town.

21. Do you ever experience deja vu?
Now that I think about it, I have.
Yes. Just now.

22. How many friends and family members do you force into reading THE BAbbLER's Bordom each day?
More than 25,000.
More than twenty-five thousand.

23. Describe THE BAbbLER's Bordom in fifty words or less.
Crispity.
Crunchity.

16. Do you realize the last pencil you used was in someone's ear?
Yuck.
Crunchity.

25. How would you remove vomit from shag carpeting?
Blot up as much as possible. Apply a capful of dry cleaning fluid and the detergent/vinegar mixture and blot with sponge, working from edge to center of stain. Brush pile when dry.
I don't know.

26. When you read the words   waffle cone   what is the first thing that comes to your mind?
Happy Paper.
THE BAbbLER's Bordom.

27. Do you have a good personality?
Yes.
No.

Answer Key